Easy Come, Easy Go

15:57


  Hello! It’s been a while since I published my last post. I was taking time to think about several things in my life. Well, I’ve been thinking about this boy stuff again and again. This boy and I; this one precious phase of my life has taught me about many things. I once was down to face all the truth about me and him. I was crying all night long, blaming myself, and blablabla. But I took time to think again and then I tried to tell myself, to make me understand that I can’t force everything I want to happen in my life. 
  This phase of my life has taught me several things. First, letting go doesn’t mean giving up, it means accepting that some things weren’t meant to be. I found it was so hard at first –to make me understand about the reasons. And the hardest part is LETTING GO. It was and is so hard for me, like….the hardest part. I was too afraid to skip this phase of my life. It’s hard to let go someone from the past when that person has been the one I ever wanted in my future. But I know that I can’t stay like this forever. LET GO, FORGET IT, AND MOVE ON. –these are all in my mind like all the time. I’m glad that I can motivate myself, but… it’s so hard to make it in action. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you and finds out that in the end it’s never meant to be and you just have to let go.
I know it’s like trying to turn around on a one-way street. I can’t give you what you want and it’s killing me. And I’m starting to see maybe we’re not meant to be.  –Not Meant To Be by Theory of a Dead Man
   Second, never get attached to anyone because attachment leads to expectations and expectation leads to disappointment. It’s true. I mean I’ve expected something too much from him, spared some time just to think about him like everyday, I got addicted with his care, he ruled my world and to know the truth was like the worst part.
   “What am I supposed to do when the best part of me is ALWAYS you?” –Breakeven by the Script
  Third, giving someone all my love is never an assurance that they will love me back. I once was blamed him for flirting back when he never actually felt the same way, but then I understand that I can’t force someone to love me back. Love is something natural. I never regretted for loving him anyway. Loving him was and is like the best part of this phase. It was just that I loved him too much, my mistake.
“That’s all I have, Love for you. And even if you don’t love me, that’s all the sense any of us is ever gonna get, LOVE”  –Reese, From Paris with Love
   I'm still 20 anyway. I still have a long time to go. :) Wish Me Luck, guys!

SPREAD THE L-O-V-E

18:37

   I’ve known so many people in my life. Some of them are nice, some of them are mean, and the rest are just normal. I’ve known so many backstabbers, haters, hypocrites, liars, and whosoever they are. Some of them are my friends (well, fake friends), acquaintances, a-nobody, or even my relatives. *HAHA*
   When I was in high school, people started to give negative comments and spread the rumors about me in school. *sigh*. Some of them say that I was a la-di-da just because I walk really fast. *Errr REALLY?*. Some of them say that I was always showing off my dad’s money by wearing expensive stuff and whatsoever like that. They can even say that I’m accepted to Giovanni Catholic SHS because my dad has an in with his position atm (He is one of Giovanni graduates who have entered the record as a successful graduate in the present). They talked many things about me –which am not true at all. Some of them are used to be my friends. They became a backstabber. I tried to talk with my mom and dad at first because it made me uncomfortable at school. But then I realized I can’t lead by the nose the situation.
   Not only at school, even my RELATIVES said bad things about me. It’s just okay if your friends or a-nobody give any negatives comments about you. It becomes unbelievable when your relatives did it TOO. Some of them say that “That girl can’t do anything. She doesn’t have the makings of anything. All the she can do is only wasting the money.” or “Suzan doesn’t know anything about life because she was born in front of money”.  Once or twice is just normal: maybe they’re right that I should be a better person. When they keep gossiping many times over, then it made me wonder. I started to think the reasons why they can become that kind of person. And then I conclude it:  A person might hate me for 3 reasons: 1) they want to be me. 2) They hate themselves. 3) They see me as a threat.
   I was a serious person. I used to take everything seriously –which is frustrating. They took me down, and then I just realized that they’re no-one. I tried to become a cool person. I mean I shouldn’t listen, not even care about them. The more I feed the attention about it, the more they happy. Sometimes I found it fun when they judged me. I mean they can’t tell me who I am because unless I wrote down all my thoughts on a piece of paper and hand it to them, they don’t even know half of me. *hahaha*. I remember Henry Ford’s words: “When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it”. I took that as a chance to show them that they’re NOTHING. No matter how hard they tried to put me down, they will never make it comes true. EVER! It made me stronger even more. Yo Haters, you can say anything about me as you please but I am what I am and that’s someone you’ll NEVER be!
   If you guys have haters, fake friends, etc, just don’t let their words put you down. Like the wise man say “Knowing who you are and not caring too much of what people think about you is great way to succeed in life and accomplish your goals.” You shouldn’t care about them. They’re everywhere and will always be like that, but just remember: Every moment of pain, weakness, and discomfort puts you in a position to choose how you will react and how you will alleviate your condition
   If you guys are backstabbers, haters, hypocrites, or liars, I just wanna make you realize that there’re SO many things to do instead of hating others and spread the rumors about someone. Don’t make negative comments or spread rumors about anyone, because it will depreciates their reputation and yours. Please behave yourself. What’s so good about gossip? Nothing! I think one thing you guys should understand is that someone's success doesn’t take away from yours, and your success doesn’t take away from theirs. So just stop being jealous, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS and Show some RESPECT. C’mon guys, life’s too short to spend hating others. Stop being haters and just SPREAD THE LOVE.


-Love fiercely, care deeply and smile brightly, because you never know who is in need or whose life you’ll save with one good deed. LOVE IS IN THE AIR!!-

Much LOVE, Suzan.
xoxo

Bye teens, Hello twenties

17:20

  It was June 26th when my boyfriend, Marcus, told me that we’ll go to The Citilites for dinner on the next Sunday. I was so happy because of 2 reasons:  1st, I’ve never been there before but my friends say that The Citilites is a perfect place for dinner. 2nd, it was July 3rd (one day before my 20th birthday). “It’s gonna be a good day” was the only thing that crossed on my mind. I was so excited.
  I’ve prepared my clothes couple days before the day *it’s a must baby!*. I chose Zara’s red ethnic sleeveless turtleneck top, black silk pants, black tights, and Rubi's black flats... Well it was July 3rd in the morning and I was so excited *typically me*. I checked on my clothes again and then chose Dorothy Perkins's black chain purse plus Marks & Spencer’s red bangle to complete my outfits. *eyelashes*
  July 3rd, 06.00pm – it was so funny that I felt quite nervous for the dinner. He has  reserved the dinner for half past 7 and said that he’ll pick me up at half past 6… 10mins left and I still felt nervous –which is abnormal. *blushes*. Finally he just arrived at my house, I came out and the only thing that I remember is that he said “you look so beautiful tonight” –he smiled that I melted. *blaaaah*
  We arrived at half past 7 and just went straight to the 20th floor of Java Paragon Hotel. Dude, The Citilities was so fantastic. Perfect place for romantic candlelight dinner.  The wonderful view of the lights of Surabaya just made it perfect. Oh well, with some jazz music (one of the song is my favorite). *perfetto*. Our table was in the corner so it was just make the dinner perfect *again and again*. We had dinner and chatted about many things. and yeah, took some photograph. The meals were delicious as well. I think the price was just worth it.
  After had dinner and long chatted at The Citilites, he asked me to go Shangri La Hotel lobby longue –just across the street. The only problem was just I always freak out to cross the road. x_x He hold my hand and calmed me down.*so sweet*. And finally we did it –yeah, crossed the road. hahaha. We went straight to the lounge. We had some drinks, chatted, and joked. Anyway there was a man who played the piano next to us. He played all of my favorites songs. I dunno if that was just happened by accident, but whatsoever about the reason, all I can say is that I was happy. :) After finished our drinks, then he just took me home.
He really made my very-last day as a teenager. I was ECSTATIC. Grazie mille, l’amore. ♥

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